Weekly Writing Challenge: The Best Medicine

I thought I’d participate in the Daily Post’s weekly writing challenge. Click here if you’d like to check it out.

Go Bananas!

I went shopping at the grocery store. I grabbed a cart. I went up and down the aisles grabbing stuff for smoothies. When I go shopping in a store, I am aware that stores are public places. And that there will probably be….get this…..other people in the store!

Gasp! I know…hard to get….

Anyways…came across this man. He was standing by his cart, facing me, alongside a large flat cart of groceries that needed to be stocked on shelves. Most people would realize that there was no room for others to pass. This man wasn’t one of those people.

Waiting for his wife to return, he looked at me while pushed my cart up, stopped, then gave him my look that says… “You are blocking the aisle idiot! Could you maybe move forward or backward so others can pass?” He was completely oblivious that I wanted through, as well as the two shoppers behind me.

A traffic jam occurred.

I have always thought that there should be “lanes” in the grocery store. One going up, one coming down, and a middle “turn” lane for idiots to stop and try to figure out what they want…..more on that idea later….

Anyways, I could have said “excuse me” but I guess I shouldn’t have to say that to idiots blocking the aisle, so I decided to park my cart off to the side, trying to demonstrate how it should be done, then proceeded to wheel, push and heave the large, heavy cart out of the way, to make an opening, so we all could pass. Even after all this, my lovely “cart parking demonstration” and all…he didn’t get it.

I passed him and then realized he was also standing in front of the juice fridge, and I wanted juice. By this time, his wife came back and they both stood there blocking the damn juice fridge. I parked my cart a foot away from both of them, and waited patiently, which for me is 6 seconds.

“Do you want orange juice?” the wife asked the husband as she consulted her shopping list. Then they both just stood there, staring through the glass door at the juice. How hard is it to pick out juice? Really? It’s pulp or no pulp! Pretty simple really.

I realized I could access the grapefruit juice by opening the next fridge door over. I thought they would notice this slender arm stretching, reaching across, waving at them through the glass as they peered in at the juice. Helloooo there…here’s my arm! Don’t mind me…just grabbing some juice…

I snagged my grapefruit juice. Not sure they noticed. Maybe they thought they were watching TV or something.

I couldn’t reach the orange juice, so I waited a bit longer, then said, “Could I maybe get in there?” and pointed at the door they were blocking.

“Oh, are we in the way?” she asked, shocked that another person was shopping the same time as her, in the same store! What are the odds?!?

I didn’t answer her, grabbed the stupid OJ…..”Thanks” I replied. I tried to say it nicely but it came out as an irritated, sarcastic “thanks“.

Off to grab bananas.

I guess the store was having some sort of banana shortage, or maybe I missed some Huge Annual Banana Sale Event because there were 3 bunches. Two bunches very ripe, almost bruised, and one green bunch. I looked at the three misfit banana bunches, weighing my options. I grabbed the green bunch and proceeded to bag them.

I noticed this older man shopping nearby watching me as I bagged my green bananas.

“Don’t get those. Get the yellow ones”, he said.

“I actually like the greener ones and the others…..”

He interrupted, “Get the ripe, yellow ones. Trust me. Get the yellow ones.” He kept on repeating it, almost aggressively, ”Get the yellow ones!”

I considered for a second that this man might be some kind of banana expert, who specializes in certain varieties and ripe-nesses of bananas. Maybe he was trying to pass on some of his secret banana knowledge. Maybe he was a banana farmer…

Maybe he saw me as some young girl shopping for the first time in her life and thought she needed some guidance with her shopping choices, because he just kept on repeating, “Get the yellow ones.” By this time he was about 20 feet away from me, still trying to convince me to buy the stupid yellow bananas.

After he said it for the sixth time, I’d had enough and snapped….”I’LL BUY WHAT I LIKE, SIR !”

I started laughing, even briefly considering stalking him around the store to help him with his shopping choices. “Don’t get regular Pepsi. Get Diet Pepsi! Why are you getting salted peanuts? GET HONEY ROASTED!!! HONEY ROASTED!!!”

I grabbed a couple more groceries, and pushed my cart off to the checkout. I bought my hard-earned OJ and green bananas.

Out in the parking lot, I saw Crazy-Yellow-Banana-Man talking to a friend. I rolled down my window as I drove by him and yelled, “I BOUGHT THE GREEN ONES!” Then drove off laughing, thinking “what the fuck is with people?”